SAMPLE I ORIGINAL

A fixed mindset is someone who finds pushing themselves when it comes to difficult school problems “tragic, catastrophic”(Dweck). They do not want to further their abilities and they do not want to be wrong. The opposite of a fixed mindset is a growth mindset – a growth mindset is someone who “understood that their abilities could be developed”(Dweck), and they love challenging themselves. If we constantly limit what one can think or talk about then students will not learn that pushing themselves and struggling through something is good.

SAMPLE I REVISION

There are two different mindsets when it comes to learning. One is called a ‘fixed mindset.’ A fixed mindset is someone who finds pushing themselves when it comes to difficult school problems “tragic, catastrophic”(Dweck). They do not want to further their abilities and they do not want to be wrong. The opposite of a fixed mindset is a growth mindset – a growth mindset is someone who “understood that their abilities could be developed”(Dweck), and they love challenging themselves. If we constantly limit what one can think or talk about then students will not learn that pushing themselves and struggling through something is good.

I added more to my introduction of a fixed mindset and growth mindset. I think that with more of an explanation it helps explain my argument. 

SAMPLE II ORIGINAL

The article talks about how classrooms should not be safe spaces, but safe enough. This means that a student should most of the time feel comfortable to share their opinions and talk about challenging topics and know that they will not get backlash, but it should still push them. “Acknowledging that campuses need “safe enough” spaces is not saying that students need protection from argument or the discovery that they should change their minds. It is saying that students should be able to participate in argument and inquiry without the threat of harassment or intimidation”(Dweck).  ADD MORE

SAMPLE II REVISION

The article talks about how classrooms should not be safe spaces, but safe enough. This means that a student should most of the time feel comfortable to share their opinions and talk about challenging topics and know that they will not get backlash, but it should still push them. “Acknowledging that campuses need “safe enough” spaces is not saying that students need protection from argument or the discovery that they should change their minds. It is saying that students should be able to participate in argument and inquiry without the threat of harassment or intimidation”(Roth). A classroom should not be a place where a student feels comfortable and the only topics that are discussed are happy and soft topics, they need a place where talking about something difficult is okay and they are pushed to deal with the uncomfort.

I added more to argument after the quote. I needed more of an explanation as to why that quote was important and Roth’s article is actually really helpful when trying to prove my arguments.